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Illustration: special inspection, © hello-heydi
Practical Magic emerged from the art of
, and I'm praying to all gods in this world that my words will be powerful enough to initiate divine things only this beautiful girl can do.
There are some silly guys who want to stigmatize her art as "Nazi propaganda", but this would be too simple. I think it's about the ambiguity of our existence, and there's so much depth behind our masks.
Beau Cyphre / Art & Photography
Love is a drug, I realize that now, and there's no way out of my misery: I have to do what you want me to do, and you don't need to tell. This is automatic, and so I push you against the wall and spread your legs with one single move. We're sealed in a kiss, but I feel out of my body and seem to be a complete stranger now: A stranger's body possessed by my demon making love to you really old school, and this body fucks you like an animal. This body's mine, this body's me, and this body's also the sun, and I feel your reflecting heat in the same way he does, and finally so close to my orgasm I understand what's meant by the holy and the secret divine things, and our ménage à trois becomes trinity. Lust U always and say a prayer...
Taken from:
* U want to read some of my stories as an eBook? *
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Practical Magic emerged from the art of
, and I'm praying to all gods in this world that my words will be powerful enough to initiate divine things only this beautiful girl can do.There are some silly guys who want to stigmatize her art as "Nazi propaganda", but this would be too simple. I think it's about the ambiguity of our existence, and there's so much depth behind our masks.
Beau Cyphre / Art & Photography
Love is a drug, I realize that now, and there's no way out of my misery: I have to do what you want me to do, and you don't need to tell. This is automatic, and so I push you against the wall and spread your legs with one single move. We're sealed in a kiss, but I feel out of my body and seem to be a complete stranger now: A stranger's body possessed by my demon making love to you really old school, and this body fucks you like an animal. This body's mine, this body's me, and this body's also the sun, and I feel your reflecting heat in the same way he does, and finally so close to my orgasm I understand what's meant by the holy and the secret divine things, and our ménage à trois becomes trinity. Lust U always and say a prayer...
Taken from:
THE ART CRIMES: Lovesexy
THE ART CRIMES: Lovesexy
* A story by Beau Cyphre - with an illustration by ReEjKa *
This prayer is dedicated 2 Réka and Zorán. Thanks for having me!
"2night we make love with only words
Girls first, girls first..."
Prince, Lovesexy
This night had been a long night, and after I had sex with my love and my girlfriend, I thought about some of the things I reflected with your shining star Zorán in our chat yesterday. He's your sun, and you are the moon, and there's nothing that'll ever come between you. But nevertheless we all decided to get in this surreal ménage à trois, to dive deep into the dark to find that re
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© 2010 - 2024 BeauCyphre
Comments9
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Overall Vision Originality Technique ImpactI'm on mixed grounds here. The short story itself feels disjointed, if only because of the shift with points itself.
Going to be splitting up the critique to point each thing out for instance. That first line:
"I never loved them so much as when I killed them..."
I think it should have ended there as a sentence. In drawing it out, you're losing the hook that draws the reader in. If there was a period, for instance, then you could have continued with "And quickly, it became an obsession with a beautiful dream" for instance.
But in comparison to the beginning, throughout the piece the voice of the speaker changes. It has a more religious overtone, which feels out of place with the instance of "magical" earlier on in the piece. The use of the ellipses isn't needed as well, between "yet so... fascinating[ly] magical", or after "body three...".
By inserting the secondary story, the anecdote about killing is about love, you are also drawing the reader away from the speaker. Try not to tell the reader about madness, but feed it to him through repetition for instance, change of word order, until they can guess it for themselves. In doing so, the piece would become stronger than it is now.
So all in all? I'd suggest cutting each line out on an independent line, and going through and highlighting the key places you find voice. Make sure that the voice is the same voice, especially with short shorts. Also, when you run things through the spell check, it is recommended that you also review it yourself. Reading the piece out loud to yourself or having someone else read it for you would let you feel the piece better than writing it off. Food for thought, and good luck on your next piece.